reading: still reading harry potter - tres good! thanks to rosemary of the forum for the recommendation.
dreading: mowing the lawn in 100° heat when i get home.
happy ball reading: your breath is so minty! (o, gee, thanks!)
cynic’s dictionary definition o’ the day: heir: “the idle offspring of a workaholic.”
super fun link o’ the day: the halloween ball
fave journal o’ the day: waste of time
well, i didn’t get any work done on self-portrait last night. i started downloading a free trial version of a program i saw splashed across two pages of the new rolling stone magazine called adobe go live 4.0. it sounds cool, but it was going to take forever to download, so i ended up stopping it after about 10 minutes. i don’t know if i even had enough room for this thing. i don’t remember how big it was, but it was going to take a full 90 minutes to download, so there was a lot to it. i don’t know if i got any of it, but i’ll check tonight.
i'm not really looking forward to working this saturday, but i said i would, so i will. it’s only five hours, and it’s just packing stuff up and getting ready for the move, so that’s not so bad. we all have to put the time in this saturday and on the 18th (unless you worked last saturday, which i didn’t, obviously, because i was sick). i think i’ll wait till the 18th to pack up my personal stuff. i can’t imagine going the whole four weeks without decoration, but just one week is tolerable! as much as i’m excited about the firm getting a new building, i’m a little disappointed that it’s clear cross town! it’s going to add 10 - 15 minutes to my commute, maybe more depending upon the cuesta grade project! i need to look into possibly taking the bus. if we were staying here, the bus would be perfect: it drops off at the courthouse, which is only a few blocks from here, and i could easily walk that rain or shine! plus, it’d be nice to not have the stress of dealing with all those stupid drivers out there! it’d probably take the same amount of time, maybe more, but it’d save me tons of money on gas (i have to fill up once a week, and the price of gas on this past sunday was $1.62 per gallon for regular unleaded at the mobile station in atascadero! outrageous! i thought congresswoman capps was looking into the price gouging going on around here! sure the threat of an investigation brought gas prices down for awhile, but i swear that’s at least a 20¢ jump from last week!), and, as i said, i’d have a lot less stress! and there’d be a lot less wear and tear on the cars, less pollution, one less car on the road every day, and even a lot less me, since i’d be doing a lot more walking! should be doing it anyway: being part of the solution, not part of the problem!
anyway, i’d started talking about working this weekend, then got way off course. hmmmm, i guess there’s really not too much more to say about that, so i guess i’ll move on.
i really want, nay, need to get to sb sometime this weekend, as stampa b. is closing this month, so it’ll be my last chance. saturday is, quite obviously, out. even though i’m off at 1 p.m., that’s still not enough time to make it there and back. it’ll have to be sunday. i used to prefer going sundays rather than saturdays, because, despite the fact that the stores open later - either 11 or 12 - the parking was free, but i believe they’ve changed that now. poop! well, i don’t usually stay too long anyway - average about 3 or 4 hours. it’s two hours’ drive one way no matter how fast you go (and, believe me, I’ve timed it at both 70 mph and 80 mph with the same results!), and i end up getting tired after a couple hours. probably that generous glass of wine i get from rock’s, my fave luncheon spot! i keep promising i’ll try one of their fancy martinis simply because they sound so good, and because martinis are “hip” right now, along with swing dancing and all that really, really old stuff, and because the glasses are really cool, and because i’m curious! but, i’m afraid to mix martini with vino - it’d suck to be pukey sick two hours away from home! - and i don’t want just a martini with lunch, which is usually the macadamia crusted halibut with the rice pilaf and sauteed veggies, so i have skipped the martini up to now. i also always say I’m going to try someplace different than rock’s, but haven’t managed it yet this year! i always seem to have quite a craving for that halibut, and that generous pour ain’t bad, either! i have tried different restaurants in sb: mona lisa’s was a fave for quite awhile before i tried rock’s, and left at albuquerque - which i tried just cause the name was so fun - it’s totally authentic, and totally delicious mexican food, but, i warn you, the salsa will kill you! hot, hot, hot!! i wish i could say i’d do something different this time, but i probably won’t. it’ll probably look something like this: get up at 8, leave at 9, arrive around 11-ish. hit borders for videos and cds (remember list this time - huh!), and check out z-gallerie for cool stuff. have lunch at rock’s, read on a book and people watch around noon. afternoon in order of stores visited: stampa b., the limited, express, banana republic, nordstroms (if it’s still open that is. the last time i went there, it was closed, but it could’ve been because it was the 4th of july. there weren’t any signs on the doors, though indicating why they were closed, they just were. tres strange!), the gap and wet seal. after all that i usually like to get the hell outta dodge, as quickly as possible! i always stop in buellton for gas, and a quick pick-me-up of either iced tea or sobe energy drink. i have always made these monthy treks into sb solely to visit stampa b., and my mom wonders what i’ll do now that i won’t have sb to go to. personally, i don’t see any reason not to keep visiting sb to go to those other places, but maybe i will go someplace else - pismo, morro bay or cambria, which has it’s own loverly little rubber stamp shop, paws on main! monterey and carmel would be fun, but they are both too far for a day trip. mom and i are planning on saving some buckages and doing a weekend up there either this winter or next spring. anyway, I’d better make the best of it in sb this time, just in case i really can’t find any reason to go back - after all, we have funky shops similar to z-gallerie in slo, and cds and videos can be purchased on-line from amazon.com or borders.com. we have an express, wet seal and gap here; really the only shops i like that we don’t have here are nordy’s and the limited. i can live without banana republic because i can’t even afford their sale items, and i don’t really care about any of the others, like macy’s - i’ll sometimes go through macy’s, but i’ve never shopped there - or saks fifth ave. i’ve only been there a couple times to get hard candy nail polish, but let’s face it, the drug store cosmetics companies like maybelline, cover girl and jane have funky coloured nail polish at a much better price, so why bother spending $12.50 on the designer stuff? i’ve got a few colours just so i can say “i have hard candy nail polish, neener, neener, neener!”, but that’s about it. they’ve got bobbie brown cosmetics there, too, which everybody raves about, and i’ve been curious about. well, maybe i’ll have to pop in there one last time, too. the problem is that it’s so far away from the paseo nuevo shopping center where i usually hang out - it’s at least a couple blocks further down from borders - that it’s a pain to go all the way down there to shop. p’raps i’ll have to just spend a couple more hours down there this time; call it “sb, the last hurrah!”. whatever.
damn, i’ve just gone onandonandonandon today, haven’t i? y’know i could do much, much more, but i’d better quit now. i’ve got tons of words running around in my head regarding some of the stuff i was on about today, but i just don’t have time right now, and you are probably wondering when this bitch is gonna shut up. if you’re still here, that is. okay, that’s it, I’m done. really. honest. why are you still here? go away! get out! bye, bye! cheers!
reading: “harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone” by j.k. rowling
hearing: “genie in a bottle” by christina aguilera
thinking: why can nothing ever be easy?
wishing: i could figure out ftp
happy ball reading: “it can’t be all that bad!” (god help me but sometimes that thing just cracks me up!)
cynic’s dictionary definition o’ the day: photojournalist: a paparazzo with a college degree.
yeah, i’m still here! i’m still trying to figure out the ftp thingies so i can move my journal out of here, and into it’s fun new space! i’ve been working with cute-ftp, but haven’t figured out how to up load anything yet, so last night i started playing with ws-ftp, and accidently uploaded something onto my journal’s directory, which i didn’t mean to do, and i can’t figure out how to get it off! it was late, and i got tired, so i gave up. *sigh* i’ll look at it again tonight. to be fair, i only have about two hours in the evening to play around with this thing. i’ve tried to go longer on the weekend, but just end up with headaches, so that’s enough of that. we’ll all just have to be patient!
i’m also trying to compose an introduction to my new journal which will fit in the space provided (i’m using a new set, and it has a table at the top which can be used for introductions. it’s a certain size, and anything too long won’t work, and anything too short doesn’t look right), and will make sense without being repetitive.
i guess part of the problem is i don’t really know where i want to go with this journal. the new title, self-portrait, implies a more introspective, self-analytical journal, but i’m not sure i want to go there at all. i really want to keep a journal just to keep track of what happens to my in my life, so i have some clear details to do with the almost always blurry memories. there is so much from the past couple years i didn’t record, and the crystal clear details are, therefore, gone! i was dating batty for almost ten months, and we did a lot of fun stuff together, but i wasn’t keeping a journal then, and so many of those activities, parties, weddings, amusement parks, dinners, movies, baseball and football games, and shopping trips are all running together in my head! and this was just last year! i’m trying to remember some of the stuff and write it down for the “memoirs” section of the new journal. they were really good times, and i want to keep a clear record of them. i was with bunny for five years, and have lately been only concentrating on the last, very horrible six to eight months, and the aftermath! there were some really great times before then, as well as some crappy ones, but the memories are all messed up, out of order, unclear and incomplete. i’m trying to find them somewhere in my brain, and get them written down before they’re gone forever. by now, i’m sure my memory of a particular situation will differ greatly from bunny’s recollection, and, if he ever finds and reads this (i’m not giving him the url; we’re not even in contact with each other anymore, but one never knows.), i’m sure he’d disagree with much of what i’ll say. tough guano, he can write his own on-line journal!
i wasn’t journaling much in high school or college, either (there are some diaries from college: we used to have to keep diaries in a couple english classes. i’ve found one, but i know there’s another one floating around here somewhere . . .), and the jr. high “diaries” are more akin to fictional diaries: i’d write about what i wish had happened that day, because, let’s face it, reality is boring! i’m pretty sure i don’t have any of those diaries, but who knows! and, if i come across one, i’ll have to put it in, just for laughs! so, there is a lot of time, a lot of memories that are basically gone. sure, the day by day agonies of pre-adolescence would be boring and lame (“went to school, had a spelling test, yuck! mr.[insert least favourite teacher’s name here] was picking his nose when he thought none of us were looking. gross! i wonder if so-and-so likes me? he was looking at me during social studies. my best friend was being a real snot on the playground today . . .blah, blah, blah”), but i suppose it would be interesting to see how i’ve changed over the years. or not, as the case may be! also, i have few memories of my father just before his death, and little of the time we spent waiting around in the hospital during his illness. i don’t remember what i was thinking or feeling during that horrible time, and, depressing as it may seem, i wish i had written them down so i could read them now. my father’s death is one of the things i’m trying to deal with right now, as i believe it may be one of the reasons i’m so messed up right now; because i never really dealt with it. maybe if i’d been journalling during that time, i’d have a better understanding of all that was going on, and maybe i wouldn’t be so messed up right now. maybe not. i dunno.
afterthoughts: well just writing all that down really helped clarify some stuff for me, and i have come to a decision: my new journal will be a record of my daily (or every other day, or weekly, or whatever) activities, my feelings and thoughts about those activities, or other aspects of the day, as well as my plans, dreams, etc., and a collection of memories from various times of my life! ta da! clear as mud to y’all? good! cheers!
reading: some of my old, hand-written journals, and this week's new times.
hearing: jack hammers from the road construction outside.
working on: catching up time sheets.
looking at: large, funky cappuccino cup from hand’s gallery on top shelf. it’s black with a cream handle with swirly designs carved up either side of it. there’s a large red heart on one side with a carved swirly heart outlining it, and a large coffee mug carved into the other side with the words “cup o’ love” on it and a heart below it. it’s very funky, swirly, and cool! hands gallery has the neatest stuff, as does z gallerie in sb.
happy ball reading: “you’re 100% fun!”
journal o’ the day:(parenthesis), my favourite journal.
link o’ the day:diarist.net
cynic’s dictionary definition o’ the day: macho: “the strutting-and-crowing behaviour of men who apparently use roosters as role models without ever wondering why there are so few of them in relation to hens.”
well, i’ve found some old journal entries i’ll be putting in the archives section soon. of my new journal, that is. i’m still trying to figure out this ftp thingie, and with work and everything else, i haven’t actually had time to play with it for a couple days. i’m starting to hesitate on the graphics. as i said yesterday, i’ve been visiting some beautiful journals, and really want to be creative with mine. i found several more really cool journals yesterday in the “word goddess” web ring that were so creative and beautiful they really intimidated me. i’m so torn: i really, really, really like this graphics set, yet i’d really like to create my own design. then again, this is supposed to be a journal, not a graphics design site, so perhaps i should let someone else, i.e., moyra, decorate my place, and i’ll concentrate on the content.
today’s cynic’s dictionary definition is strangely appropriate considering the cover story on this week’s new times. apparently some guy wants to get a membership to a local women-only gym. since they said no, he’s considering a discrimination lawsuit. what a jerk! he says he wants to join this gym because the place is so clean, and he’s apparently a clean-freak, or something like that, and the equipment is newer and nicer than the place he's at now. of course it’s newer and nicer, the gym’s only been open a couple years! duh! he doesn't understand that some women are uncomfortable working out around men! he says he's a nice guy. what the hell difference does that make?! i know a lot of nice guys, but i wouldn't want to work-out in front of them! why doesn’t he just go to kennedy? that’s a nice facility: very clean - people are real good about cleaning up after themselves - and really nice, state-of-the-art equipment! i should know; i go there. i have been considering joining cory everson’s, the all-women’s gym in question, because it’s going to be closer when we move. i also think I’ll be more comfortable in the company of women. i joined kennedy out of convenience - it’s near where i work, and there’s one near where i live. i knew it was co-ed, and thought i could handle it. well, i haven’t handled it very well. i don’t really like working out with men. i admit it, i’m sensitive about my weight gain. you might even say i‘m very embarrassed about it. sometimes, i don’t even go. it’s nothing anyone there has said or done: everyone is really friendly and helpful. i just don’t like working out around men. i’ve always been that way, even when i was young, pretty and thin. i belonged to britton’s, an all-women’s gym in college for a couple years before it closed. sure, it was a longer walk than the gym at the college, and i had to pay for it whereas the college gym was free to students, but i liked the small, friendly, non-competetive atmosphere. When you work out with men, there’s a different atmosphere. it’s hard to explain, especially to men, because they’re such a part of it, they don’t see it. some women don’t see it, either. but, i see it and hear it and feel it, and apparently so do many other women. britton’s was “my special place” even though many other women went there. i didn’t have to worry about men gawking at me in my leotards, or whistling or saying anything to me. i could work-out in peace.
i remember a funny story about a time when a couple guys walked in to the gym and sat down on the wicker sofa which was part of a little “waiting area” that had a couple chairs and a coffee table with magazines on it. Now, we were used to husbands, boyfriends and sons coming in and waiting for their wives, girlfriends or moms to finish their workout, so it took a short while to figure out no one there knew these guys. they were just sitting there watching us all work-out, occasionally whispering to each other and snickering. finally, the owner, whose first name escapes me right now (edited to add: it was Lynn), went over and asked, “can we help you?” “no,” one of them answered,”we’re just looking.” well, ms. britton was having none of that! she threw them out telling them “this is not a spectator sport!” ha!
when britton’s closed my junior year, i tried to go to the college gym, but hated it because it was always full of men who hogged the equipment. i also tried to join a co-ed gym when i was working, but didn’t like that, and quit. kennedy is the first gym i’ve joined in many years. i thought i was over my guy-phobia, but i’m not. i know and understand that. it’s one of the reasons i’m leaving kennedy. i was planning on just working out at home, but i may check out cory’s, since it’s going to be close. i know there will probably be skinny girls there, but there are also heavy girls, and older women. i never saw any other fat people or older ladies when i was working out at kennedy. i was always the fattest person there, and although no one said anything , or looked at me funny, i was still uncomfortable. that’s my problem, i know. it took awhile for me to really understand and accept that as my problem, but i have, and now i can do something about it. i’m leaving kennedy, not because it’s not a nice place, or the people there aren’t nice people, because it is and they are; i’m leaving because i’m uncomfortable in that atmosphere to the point were I’m not even going anymore. it’s just stupid to be paying the membership fees every month and not using it. i’ve tried, but i can’t even make myself. so, i’ve decided to leave. maybe i’ll go to cory’s, maybe i’ll work-out at home. i don’t know, yet.
afterthoughts
i kind-of got off my original topic o’ the day after reading that article. i ended up on a totally different tangent! i was originally contemplating graphics v. content with regards to my new journal. some people are able to do both successfully, and more power to them, but i just don’t think i can. at least not right now. i guess i’m being silly about it. it’s not like i can’t change my layout when i feel like it, right? right! cheers!
reading: the september issue of jane magazine.
hearing: traffic outside; i’ve turned the radio off for awhile.
thinking: can’t remember; maybe i should jot down notes?
happy ball reading: brilliant idea!
cynic’s dictionary definition o’ the day: riot: a bloody rampage by over-heated youths in response to bad news, like an unfavourable jury verdict, or good news, like a favourable jury verdict.
working on: cleaning up: my head, my web site, my work space, my home.
graditudes:
1. cuesta grade project put off until sometime in september! yippee!
2. colour photocopying technology.
3. lost enough weight that my rings are all loose.
4. the cramps weren’t too bad this time.
5. self-adhesive postage stamps - no more lickin’!
peeves:
1. it’s been too windy to grill much this summer.
2. lost windows while trying to fix my computer yesterday. poop!
3. this sweater’s tag has a rough corner that’s chafing my neck!
4. whiners.
5. bill collecters.
looking at: bills i need to pay. blech!
i don’t really know what to write, but i’m writing anyway. i had plenty of ideas a couple hours ago, but that was during work, so i couldn’t get involved in a journal entry, poem, story, or memory. now, it’s lunchtime, i have a whole hour, and i can’t remember a single thing i was thinking about!
i’m bored with my web site; i need to change it. i know i mentioned redecorating it earlier, but i guess i can update that now. the graphics i wanted to use won’t work with webtv, which really bites because it’s a perfect set for me, and the direction i’m heading in! it’s an interface set, and it’s made to fit a screen no larger than a computer screen at 800X600 pixels. i originally found it while surfing at the college before my class, but once i brought it up on my webtv at home, it looked terrible! all the individual sections are all separated, and there’s no way to push them all together! obviously, that set won’t work for my new place, so i’m presently searching for something else. i’d love to make my own graphics, but my computer doesn’t have a cd-rom, so i can’t use any graphics programs, plus it’s incapable of getting internet, so i can’t download any either. that’s why i have a webtv! it’s a great, inexpensive way to surf the web, but that’s about the extent of it! some day i hope to get an upgraded computer, so i can do all that other stuff, but until then, i’m at least able to do some net surfing, and was able to build a fairly nice web site, but i’m starting to feel closed in, restless. i would really like to be more creative, have more control over my website. these free pages are great, but i’d really like to have my own place, y’know? my own domain! sure i could get the name and still use the free pages, but i would really like to get away! maybe it’ll help to get my journal set up outside of this web site. if i let it be itself, and have the freedom there i might not feel so suffocated here! but, I’m definitely going to redecorate!
maybe i just need to stop comparing my site with so many others! it’s just that i’ve found some beautiful, creative, thoughtful, insightful sites, mostly through my journal webrings, that i’m quite envious of. i really want a site that looks something like (warning: i don’t guarantee any of these journals won’t have some naughty words in them, they’re someone else’s journals, and just happen to be a few i read on a regular basis. just thought i’d warn you before you visited and saw something you may not want to. i’m not linking them from here for you to read them, i’m using them as examples of web site designs i like, and would like to be able to do.) this, or this, or this! but, i don’t have any way to do any of these kind of graphics or designs! at least, i’m assuming i don’t. i’m assuming i need a computer with internet connection, a scanner, and cd-rom to do web sites like those. i may be wrong. i don’t know.
anyway, it frustrates me some. i know i just need to let it go; just find some cool graphics i like, and that will look good on webtv, then redesign the navigation a bit, take out some of the dorky, juvenile stuff i glommed onto when i was starting out, and add some of my own original writings, photos, and artwork. basically, i need to slim down and organize my web site as i slim down and organize myself!
i’ve done quite well getting rid of old cd’s, clothes and jewelry, and even managed to get rid of a ton of old nail polish. i’ve heard there’s a place that takes old videos now, too, so i can start going through those, and also a place for used sporting equipment. i’m hoping they take exercise equipment, too!
i am going to get rid of those two chairs i’ve been hanging onto for over a year now. they used to be my grandparents’, but they got new ones. i keep thinking i may someday have enough money to get my own place, and those two chairs would be great to have, so i’ve hung on to them. i’m finally coming to the realization that i’ll never have enough money for my own place and i’ll be living with my mother till i die, so there’s no reason to take up space in the garage with those old chairs. they’re going to goodwill this saturday.
i’m also doing fairly well slimming myself down. i’m saying to hell with what everybody else thinks, and i’m taking my diet seriously again, and trying to work out on a regular basis. that doesn’t mean i’m over my depression - i’ll never be over that - but i’m dealing with it in a different way. no, i’m not going to say what that is here; suffice it to say that it is realitivly non-self destructive. i have a short-term goal of dropping 20 lbs by the end of the year, and a long-term goal of being at 125 lbs and totally bikini ready for the re-opening of avila beach in the summer of 2000 (sometime in june).
well, that’s enough crap for one day! cheers, luvvies!
afterthoughts: none today, sorry.
august 17, 1999
reading: actually, finally finished “death at gallows green” by robin paige last night! i found the first book, “death at bishop’s peak”, but don’t know when i’ll get around to it. i have a large stack of books on my night stand, as well as in my stand-by shelf, many of which have been waiting to be read since march! i want to read them all, but just don’t know when i’ll find the time. i think i’ll go with “harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone” next, as it’s more of a young adult novel, has fairly large printing on each page, and therefore may be a faster read!
hearing: the end of “sunset beach”; it’s about lunch time.
cynic’s dictionary definition o’ the day: chewing gum: television for the teeth.
happy ball message: you can do it!
looking at: new piccies of the mv5 and dj, courtesy of forumite carol!
thinking: about too much; creativity + work = muddled mess!
gratitudes:
1. generous workplace
2. sunshine
3. good friends
4. blue frog
5. no meetings this week
peeves:
1. chapped lips in summer
2. cramps
3. tired for no reason
4. keep forgetting to take vitamins
got a really nice surprise at work yesterday: pork! yes, you read that right, we got pork at work yesterday. seems my company bought three little piggies (as the queen was fond of calling them) at the fair this year, and the humanely killed, carefully hacked, frozen, wrapped and labeled bits of oink were delivered before quitting time last night. first come first serve, so you had to act quickly. i was trying to remember if i had room in the freezer (i’d just stocked up on tv dinners sunday), but wasn’t about to turn down free food! in the end, i made room by taking out the bag of popsicles. i had one before dinner - bad for my diet, i know, but i couldn’t let them go to waste now could i? - i took the rest off the sticks and put them in glasses - grape, strawberry, orange - for later. i was planning on mixing them with iced tea for a treat, but i suddenly remembered i had several small bottles of seltzer water, and they might taste good as a soda-like beverage. i had one after dinner - grape, i think - yum!
anyway, since i suddenly had a plastic shopping bag full of frozen piggus-swine, i couldn’t really do even my now-abbreviated work-out at the gym, so i just headed home after work. i did do 20 minutes on my poor, neglected nordic track, so the evening was not a total waste! one of these fine days i’ll start doing those tapes, too. ha ha!
someone is giving away free imacs sometime this fall. i got on the mailing list, and they’ll contact me when the contest starts. i like those little imacs, they’re so cute! i’d love to have a newer computer - at least have cd-rom - because i really, really, really want to play with paint shop pro and photo shop programs! they look fun! i saw an artist on “interior motives” who “painted” her photographs using one of those programs. they looked really cool: she used really bright, bright, bright colours! they looked more like paintings than photographs! i’m wanting to do some hand-tinting of my b&w piccies, but haven’t gotten around to it, yet. i’d planned on doing a special thingie for my best friend's birthday, which is coming up, but i haven’t had time, so maybe for christmas . . .
akk! lunch time is over, back to the grind . . .
afterthoughts:
1. ironically, we were already having pork for dinner! very good it was, too!
2. popsicles = tons of sugar = no wonder i couldn’t sleep!
3. i wonder what those piggies names were? one of my co-workers asked, but several of us didn’t want to know, so the queen didn’t say. now, i’m curious . . .
4. lots of cadfael talk on the forum lately, will have to watch “virgin” again.
5. feel like renting a movie; still waiting for “litd” to come out on video, and getting very grumpy about it!
Friday the Thirteenth Just as a treat for you, today I'm posting a sample of what will be a new feature of my soon-to-be new journal! Aren't you excited? NO??!!! Well, then a big, fat, cyber raspberry to you all! And, I'm going to give it to you anyway, so there!
.:~potpourri~:.
date: august 6, 1999
There! Enjoy; or not, as the case may be! Cheers!
August 12, 1999 Well, last night was our final meeting for the “Modern Women’s Stories” class. Kind-of sad because it was interesting and fun. Luckily, our instructor has three classes offered next quarter - two writing classes, which I’ve actually taken before, but would love to take again, and another reading class, “Great Writers of the 20th Century”, which sounds interesting. They’re more expensive than this last one, but they’re longer, too. Two of them are week nights - Tuesday and Wednesday - and the other writing class is an e-mail class. The last time I took that class, I was living with my grandparents, and my grandpa had just gotten a WebTV for Christmas, so I had an e-mail address. Now, I have my own WebTV, and a new e-mail address, so I think I’ll take the class again! I really need to keep my writing up, and these writing classes are a good way to jump start my creativity! I did quite well the last time I took them, but eventually I petered out and stopped. Perhaps I can put some of my writing exercises on my web site, and I may keep them up better, like I’ve done with my journal! I started writing a story last night before class based on a pair of shoes I’ve ordered over the internet. Sounds bizarre, I know, but it was just flowing out of my head, down my arm, into my fingers and through my pen to the paper. I had to cut it off so I could participate in the class. My brain really pisses me off sometimes! I’d read all the stories early this time - in the past, I’d often had one or two stories to cram in before class - and had from after work until 7 PM to just mess around. I spent the time at the Cal Poly library surfing the web, just killing time, really. Then, just before class this narrative starts running through my head like a marquee banner! Where was this crap two hours ago when I had time to write it all down? I’ve only got half a page typed, and now I’m stalled. That’s how it always happens: If I ignore the Muse, she gets pissed off and goes away, sometimes for months at a time! I tried to write when I got home, but I was too tired, and it was late.
later that evening . . . sorry, I got cut off there. Now, where was I? Well, I don't remember now. Anyway, I'm now at Big Sky, treating myself to my "usual" (chicken caesar salad and house chardonnay), and writing this on a new hand-made paper journal I bought (for half price, btw!) at Penelope's because I forgot to bring my "restaurant book" (that's a book I read in restaurants, btw), which at the moment is "Death at Gallows Green" by Robyn Paige, and which I'm nearly finished with. Just didn't think I could face the kabobs tonight (it's Farmer's Market, in case you hadn't guessed, or didn't know), and ribs are too messy for my dress, as are the turkey drum-sticks. So, I thought I'd be "civil" and eat dinner in a restaurant! They are having a reception for their new art display done by artists known as Rokoco. They have some super funky stuff! These guys use lots of old "junk" and "stuff" in their art - driftwood, tyres, and, hey, isn't that an old upright vacuum cleaner with funky amoeba-shaped designed and dust "bunnies" painted on it? Why, yes, it is! And, isn't that elephant's body made out of an old tyre? I believe it is! I love that vacuum cleaner! Now I know what I can do with that old canister vac out in the garage! Ha ha! It looks like they just took old stuff, painted bright, wild, funky designs on them, and schlacked them, so they're smooth and shiny! This technique would work well with that old trunk mom and I have been planning on fixing up! I've been going to use an idea I got from Christopher Lowell on "Interior Motives", where you paint the metal part, cover the rest with fabric, and put feet on the bottom making a table kind-of thing out of it! That's really cool, too!
I'm loving this vac! Or that super cool surf board! Big Sky does this quite often - once a month I believe. They display off-the-wall, unique artwork, and have a reception for them at the beginning of their show, usually on the Thursday that is the SLO Farmer's Market. I've never done the reception, but I have been here during the reception. It's a regular restaurant, y'know! And, if I haven't mentioned it before, my favourite in SLO! Anyway, the artwork is ususally always for sale, but always way out of my price range! This is the kind-of art I'd buy if I had my own place and a job where I made more money! Besides, if I were going to change careers again, I'd go into nursing. They make pretty good buckages, and they're unionized! But, I don't really want to get another career, or another job! I want to stay right where I am - although I wouldn't mind having a more permanent rather than temporary postition! hint, hint! *grin* I like my job - first time I can honestly say that! - I like the people I work with, and I like what I do, even if it isn't exactly what I went to school for! But, I'm not complaining! Like I said, I enjoy my work, I'm good at it, and I sure do appreciate that paycheck!
Oh, my God! I didn't notice that pair of skis on the wall over there! This stuff is so cool! I wish I was artistic! Not just the rubber stamping thing, I mean artistic! I wish I could draw! I can't even do stick people! It's pathetic!
The waitress just asked if I wanted another glass of wine. They don't always ask that, so I should probably take advantage of it, but this place is filling up fast, and is getting a bit too loud for me, and I'm running out of steam . . .'nuf for now, maybe more later. Maybe I'll work on that story I started at class last night. Yeah, I remembered what I was talking about in my earlier entry! Don't be so surprised! I'm not that far gone! Cheers!
August 5, 1999 Well, it’s official: The Writing on the Wall, the journal, is moving. And, not only is it moving, it’s changing, evolving. I’ve signed up to have my journal hosted by journals.dreamfire.com, a haven for on-line journals! I’ve also decided my “new” journal will be called “self-portrait”, which I think is kind-of fitting not only for a journal, but for me personally. You see, back in college when I was taking photography classes (and photographing as well as writing poetry under the pseudonym “lapis”), I more often than not used myself as the model. Some of these were self-portraits, whereas in others I was being someone else, playing a “character” a la Cindy Sherman, my photographic heroine! So, you see, self-portrait sort-of fits me. I like it! Anyway, The Writing on the Wall is a great title, too, so I’ve decided to keep it as a section where I’ll put some of my writing. For the curious, no, I am not published in any way, shape or form, except, of course for the stuff in this on-line journal, if that counts! I’ve never been confident enough to submit any of my work to publishers, and to be brutally honest, I’m not dedicated enough to get up at an ungodly hour of the morning to work on any of my novels, stories, poems, etc., to make them publishable. I’ve often thought of self-publication, but then again, you have the problem of actually finishing a project before you can publish it! In the past I’ve taken some writing classes at one of the two local colleges, and have been inspired to write, and write and write! Then I start getting lazy, and quit. Well, now I’m taking the literature class, which I’ve mentioned before, from one of the writing instructors I’ve had. I remember in one of the writing classes I took from her, she gave us some writing exercises, and I’m thinking of doing some of them. Maybe not everyday, but a few times a week at least. I’m discovering that if I put stuff on the internet, I can’t just stop doing it. It’s expected that I keep it up. At least that’s the experience I’ve had with The Writing on the Wall. I’d always started journals, and keep them religiously for a few weeks, then got bored and just stopped. Well, having it on the web, has made me a better journal keeper. Regularly updated entries are expected, and people get annoyed if you miss too many days! Actually, I’ve found it quite easy to write quite often - my goal is to have a daily journal! - the more I do it. Sometimes even when I haven’t had anything to say, I still end up with a pretty good sized entry! Now, if I could just keep from losing them . . .
Well, I’m not sure when I’m going to get to all these great, wonderful changes I’ve talked about, but it will be before the turn of the century, I promise! Don’t laugh, it’s coming up faster than you think! Cheers!