I’ve had a story meandering about inside my brain for the past week, that’s been driving me nuts. I haven’t written any of it down, and really don’t want to. Not only am I sure it’s gonna be crap, like the majority of my writing, but I really don’t want to fall into that deep pit of insanity known as “Fan Fiction,” or “fanfic.” Mostly because I wrote stupid fanfic crap back in Jr. High and High School.* I didn’t know it was called “fanfic” back then, and maybe it wasn’t. Now I just associate that kind-of story writing with teeny boppers, and figure it’s definitely not something an adult should be indulging in. I’m pretty sure about that. However, if this stupid story insists on messing with my head much longer, I might just have to write the shit down just to get some peace.

In other news, other than working, going to the gym, and hanging out with friends, my life has been pretty dull lately. Maybe writing a story is just what I need. I have been feeling creative lately, but haven’t had time to stamp, or take pictures, or anything. I’m still trying to get my bedroom sorted out for the Great Remodel of 2001, and actually made some progress this past weekend by getting rid of about 60 CDs. All I really need to do now is go through the books and my drawers. Oh, and actually come up with a definite plan for the remodel. That would help, I’m sure.

Last Saturday, Jewel and I went on a hike along the Jim Greene Trail. It was hell, and I really thought I was going to die! Damn, am I out of shape, or what? Part of my problem was an allergy attack that had come on Friday afternoon, and persisted until Saturday morning. I took one of the Claritin samples DeeDee gave me some time ago, and hoped I’d be okay. I love Claritin! About halfway through the hike, that stuff kicked in, and I could breath again! We ended up only doing one lap instead of two, but it was great exercise and I payed for it with calf pain that’s still with me today.

Okay, so I told you things were boring lately. Sorry. I’ll work on having a nervous breakdown for you all, so you’ll have something interesting to read.

* Yeah, I wrote fanfic back in the old days. Surprised? Back then, I didn’t think anyone else was doing anything like that except me and my friends, because we were so damn cool. (Also, didn’t know if it was called “fanfic” back then or not.) No one else was a different, unique, strange and wonderful as my friends and I were. We were so dark, brooding, and melancholy, listening to only British music, watching only PBS (because we were so hyper intelligent, sophisticated and cool, don’t you know.), reading Shakespeare, practicing witchcraft and hanging around in cemeteries communing with the dead; so wonderfully, strangely, different and unique. Oh, yeah! I see websites - mostly via the Wunderblog! - from the same kinds of kids today, and although I can understand exactly how they feel, I must confess I get a pretty good chuckle out of them. I know that sounds mean, but my friends and I were occasionally mocked for our super uniqueness, so the weird, different, unique, sullen, moody, goth garbed, pseudo-wiccas who are all in such pain, and no one understands them should just get used to it. And, maybe they should realize, also, that they are not really all different, that there are tons of kids out there that feel the same way they do, and kids have been feeling like for decades. Yeah, I thought I was different and unique and super cool in high school. I thought no one understood my pain (Of course I had a different kind of pain than most of my peers. Although, I’m sure I wasn’t the only fifteen year old girl in the world who watched her father die from cancer, it sure felt like it at the time. And I didn’t have an internet to turn to, so I couldn’t communicate with other kids my age who’d lost a parent to cancer. I’m not saying I didn’t have more of a right to be depressed than other kids my age, but at least I had a legitimate reason.). I was depressed, suicidal, and fancied myself insane, and that made me cool. At least I thought so. But you know what? I wasn’t. (Actually, looking at it from an adult’s view point, I was a total freak!) And neither are any of you. Not really. Don’t take it personally, though, cause none of your peers are cool, either. You’re all in the same boat, but it’s only for a few years. You’ll get over it once you get to college!