Warning: talking about boobs and stuff again. I
know I'm just overreacting. I know it! Of course, I'm
PMSing right now, which doesn't help matters, but I'm still
overreacting about the whole thing. I know I am. But I'm
fucking scared right now. My right breast is still leaking fluid,
and there's a . . . God, I don't want to call it a lump,
but it's a . . . a . . . something that I think may just be
swollen. Yeah, swollen. Not at all lump-like. Like maybe just
infected, or something. Like one of the milk ducts is clogged,
or something, and it's irritated. Something like that. I'm sure
it's just something simple and non-life-threatening like that.
I'm sure it is. Yeah.
Last night I dreamed my breast would
not stop leaking. Currently, it just leaks a few drops
periodically, but after a couple seconds, will stop. It takes
hours to build up more fluid to squeeze out. I need to
remember when I have my doctor's appointment, to not
squeeze the fluid out before I go. I need to have something to
show them. Anyway, in this dream, the flow of the fluid was
almost constant, and it was a thicker, cloudier consistency
than what I've been getting. I couldn't get this stuff to stop
coming out of my breast. It was terrifying!
While I'm sure
I'm just overreacting to this whole thing, another part of me is
thinking, I'd better start planning for the worst. I need to
make out my will. I need to make out my mom's will, too, since
she asked me for it some time ago, and I just never get
around to it. I need to get my workspace organized, so that
someone else could easily come in and take over my job. I
need to start hoarding money, because my insurance will
probably not pay for everything, and the treatments, hospital
expenses, and funeral expenses can be very expensive. I
really don't want my mom to have to deal with all that. Hell, I
don't want to have to deal with it, either!
