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 My Busy Life I've been trying to think of stuff to write about lately, but I've been coming up blank. Today is the same as yesterday, which was the same as the day before. Nothing remarkable has happened to me for some time. Not that I'd want anything remarkable to happen, mind you! But, just listing my daily routine, then saying "ditto, ditto, ditto," just isn't very interesting. There are plenty of things coming up in the next few weeks, so I'll probably be making up for the silence here pretty soon. The Paso Wine Festival is Saturday, and Tracey's wedding is Sunday. The following weekend is a three-dayer, which will be nice, and is ear-marked for gardening. The weekend after that is free, but the following weekend is DeeDee's wedding. (I just learned that Jewel will be coming up for that, and I've offered her my home to stay in. It'll be fun to have her up here again!) Later that week is my cousin's graduation, then on the 22nd, I'm attending the CAPA conference in Burlingame. DeeDee, Suzie, and I are rooming together for that, so we should have a great time! Other than that, I've just been working, reading, writing a little fanfic, and general feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I am still feeling sorry for myself as I watch The Brides run around frantically, but joyfully, getting the last-minute touches done for their weddings. Tracey is the worst, since her nuptials are just four days away, but Dee's been a bit more hyper than usual herself. I've tried, I really have, to not wallow in my own self-pity, but it's hard, and I'm thinking it might be best to just whine about it a bit (privately, of course, here in my journal!) and get it over with. I try to be upbeat around the girls, and for the most part, it's not too difficult, because I am truly happy for both of them. I just wish it was me. I wish it had been me. Hearing from my old boyfriend, Batty, hasn't helped much. He's doing very well, apparently, for which I'm thrilled, of course, but still a bit jealous, and a bit annoyed with myself for walking away from that. He was, quite literally, my last chance at having a family, and if I had a gun I'd shoot myself for letting him go. Whatever the problems were (and I can't even remember what those were, now), I should've just stuck to it, kept my mouth shut, and sucked it up. I'd have everything I ever wanted right now if I had. As it is, well, I'm whined about this enough for you to know what I'm going to say. So, I suppose you've guess that one of the other reasons I haven't written, besides having a boring life, is that I've been depressed about everything. This time of year is hard for me anyway, what with the memories, and all. Summer should be a fun time, but it just isn't for me. There are just too many bad memories associated with just about every month of the season. Frankly, I'll be glad when it's over. Gah! I didn't mean to go there, I really didn't. I guess that's where my fingers lead me today, though. Not much I can do about that. I guess I've had stuff to write about after all; I just didn't want to do it. Sometimes, you just can't help it, though, you know?
Hez
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