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I've finally had to admit to myself that I'm a complete and total failure. I'm not used to doing poorly in life - at least in the parts of my life that I have control over - so it's been very difficult for me to come to the conclusion that I can't lose weight on my own. I've been trying for the past few years: I've tried different diet and exercise programs, I've signed up for various challenges, joined on-line weight-loss support groups, opened and closed my weight-loss website, then opened it up again. I figured if I just kept trying, at least I wasn't failing. But, in the end, I have to admit: I have failed. I can't even begin to tell you how badly this hurts me. It was bad enough to admit to my family and friends that I was going to be fat for the rest of my life; it was far worse to admit it to myself.
I'm a failure. A complete and utter failure.
I spent a great deal of time this weekend crying into my pillow because of this horrific realization. As a Capricorn, I'm a strong-willed, determined, stubborn, goal-oriented person, so when I make goal after goal after goal, and fail to reach it time and time again, it whittles away at my self-esteem a little bit. Admitting defeat isn't easy for me, but I've finally had to do that here. I finally just had to say: I can't do this. And it sucks. It sucks major amounts of cellulite dimpled ass, but there's nothing I can do about it. I have failed. Time to move on.
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