self-portrait

Another obvious one, I know, but whatever; J is for Journal. Specifically this journal. Writing this journal has changed my life in more ways than one. For one thing, this is the first journal I've kept for more than a few weeks - I just celebrated my five year journalversary in April! Ever since I was in Jr. High, I began each year with a brand new diary and a bull-headed determination to write in it every single day. And, I would do so, faithfully, for a few weeks. Then I'd get bored, or busy, or nothing of interest would happen, and the book would just lie there on my nightstand, gathering dust. Weeks would pass. Then months. I'd pick up the book to write in it, but not know what to say, so I'd put it down again. This pattern continued through High School and College. The only time I actually kept a journal during this time was when it was required for English or Writing class! I wrote again in the mid-90s, after my miscarriage and the breakup of my engagement, but once I moved to California and started working and later going to school, I stopped.

It was around 1998 that I discovered online diaries. As I surfed around for web graphics with which to decorate my first ever web page, I came across Moyra, a very talented artist who also kept a small journal on her graphics site. I was fascinated to read about her life, and I felt like I got to really know her by doing so. Soon, I discovered more online journals, and began reading them, too, and eventually, I started my own.

In the beginning my journal - then called "The Writing on the Wall" - was just a way to keep my long-distance friends and family members up-to-date on my new life in California. However, I soon found I wanted to express myself in a non-family friendly manner, as well as explore thoughts and feelings I really didn't with to share with family and friends, so I moved my journal and changed the name. Self-Portrait (subtitled "a journal of discovery") was, I thought, I better name for the type of journal I wanted to keep - introspective, explorative, all about me. It hasn't always turned out that way - I tend to write more "laundry list" journal entries than anything soul-baring - but nevertheless, I'm very happy with how the journal has turned out. I'm thrilled to have kept it going for as long as I have!

A lot of people I know in real life think I'm nuts when they find out I have an online journal. They think journals or diaries should be private, locked tightly away and out of view, with the key hidden in the false bottom of the drawer on my jewelry box so on one will find it. They may be right. But, there's just something about sharing my inner-most thoughts and feelings with billions of other people that is very exciting and motivating. I really believe the reason I've managed to keep this journal for over five years now is my readers; those few brave souls who stop by now and then to see how my day went, or where I went on my vacation, or what pictures I've taken recently, or even what restaurants I've been dining at and what I've been eating! I know I say that my journal is all about me, but really, in at least a little way, it's all about the readers, too.

Thanks for reading, everyone!